Monday, May 7, 2012

And so it begins...

Today is "D-day" and I am starting my JMBR! Last night I had measurements taken, which I will track weekly. I've got a list of to-dos that I am going to try to focus on this week - for those of us that may have emotional/bored eating issues, it's imperative to try to better control our environment. So that is what I am trying to do. Keeping myself occupied and productive and generally following the schedule I have created for this week should lead to a successful kickstart week.

I have had some concerns about starting this program, which I tried to research (using that term loosely) on the JMBR facebook page. I was trying to see where people were starting from - how much did they have to lose? I won't lie to you - I have 100+ lbs to lose. I've always been big (and I'm not at my biggest now). There are many insecurities which have held me back from things that I would otherwise love to do. Attempting to make this change could not be one of those casualties of fear.

One of the things we ought to consider when attempting to make lifestyle changes such as this is WHY. I need to figure out what my WHY is. There are general things of course, like being healthier, fitter and thinner. But it's the every day type stresses that may make the WHY more poignant. Such as:

*I want to be able to travel without worrying about: will the seatbelt fit? Will I be an annoyance to someone who "has to sit next to the fat girl?"

*I want to plan a day to go to an amusement park and ride all the rides (and not fear that I might not "fit" into the ride seats-it's been a close call before)

*I want to be able to wear cap sleeves without being insecure about the flab that is my upper arm

*I want to feel like I'm attractive - say goodbye to the days of "she'd be hot if she was thin"

*When I go to Paris again, I don't want to be huffing and puffing up the gazillion stairs from the train

These are those little everyday things that feed the flame of my insecurities. Maybe they are ridiculous reasons that are too concerned with what others may think, but who of us can say that we truly 100% don't care how people perceive us? There are very few that may be able to honestly answer that in the affirmative. Ultimately, I believe that one of the purposes of life is to gain control of ourselves - self-mastery. We all have addictions/weaknesses/temptations which are unique to us. As they say, this one is my Everest. I know that if I continue to remind myself that I CAN do this, I will do it.

Changing my self-talk to being positive on this matter is also imperative. As I keep saying to myself, the kickstart week is only ONE week. I can so do this. How many thousands of others have done this successfully? What makes them any better than me? I am excited to see the results at the end of this kickstart week. I will more than likely be blogging pretty regularly so that I can keep tabs on where I am emotionally each day and even if there isn't anyone reading this, I have some obscure accountability out there. I don't know if any of you have had this issue, but I've been one of those closet eaters. I hide what I've eaten when I know it isn't good for me - I even hide the trash from it so as not to draw the negative attention of what I already know is unhealthy. It's time for me to be brutally honest with myself, and this is the outlet for which I've chosen to do it.

Thanks to those of you who have already shown your support - I look forward to being able to share this journey of mine with you and am grateful in advance for the encouragement and strength that you will help me to realize.

1 comment:

  1. I think that it will be good to take it week by week. Set a small goal each week and stick with it. And it doesn't have to be losing weight, it could be, say, I will avoid buying or eating potato chips (pick your poison, lol) this week. I've been doing that on and off for years and it totally works. I've gotten to the point where I am in such a habit of drinking water (a goal I set originally for 2 weeks turning into 2 years!)that most of the time I have no desire for anything else! I think it takes a couple weeks to establish a habit?
    Good luck and I'm here with you girl!