Dear Mr Fed Ex

So, Mr Fed Ex was scheduled to pay me a JMBR visit today, but alas. I was left in disappointment. So I guess I will give you a little more background on my situation. Granted, I don't think I've got any readers yet, but I think this is more therapeutic for me than anything. And perhaps some day in the future, I'll find a reader or two! Hopefully by then I will figure out how to have blogger post my paragraphs as I've typed them rather than my whole post being one large blob of words. *sigh* So, I will tell you that I am mid-30's in the mid-west. Close to ten years ago, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), and some of the issues I'd been facing with weight since the age of 5 all of a sudden made more sense. PCOS could have its own whole blog dedicated to talking about what it is and how it affects me (let alone how it affects every individual woman in its own way). With my diagnosis of PCOS, like most PCOSers, I was also diagnosed with insulin resistance, for which I now take metformin. It's astounding, though, how many people in the medical community don't really know much about it - I went to several doctors and self-diagnosed before I found a dr who seemed to know enough about it to give me the actual medical diagnosis and start treating me for the symptoms present in my personal cocktail of PCOS symptoms. So here I am, out of control once again. I was just recently able to get a renewal RX for metformin so I can try to at least get the hormonal part of my issues better on track. The thing I love about JM is that she seems to truly be educated in endocrine and metabolic issues - she *is* the one who has coined the term metabolic training in her workout regime(s). I think that WW may not have worked so well for ME because I also need a regimen of exercise. This is why I've chosen JM's Body Revolution. So... this is the blog. I will shortly be on my journey (c'mon Mr FedEx!!!), and I am planning to log my successes and struggles here. Regardless of whether or not anyone ever reads this blog, I feel that it will help me - it will give me ownership over my efforts and goals and hopefully provide some therapeutic relief. And maybe someday I will be an inspiration to someone else out there...

A New Beginning

Like many people who have struggled with weight loss in life, I have tried a variety of ways to get myself on the right track over the last several years. I have had small successes, but for two years now I've been stagnant. More recently, I have found myself back in what I refer to as a downward shame spiral of bad health choices. I have the fundamental knowledge of what I should be doing, but there are times when I am my own worst enemy. I sabotage myself, I consciously make bad decisions, and I fail myself miserably. The purpose of this blog is to attempt to log my revolt against poor behavior and try to provide myself with a mode of accountability. In early February, I had been flailing at my attempts and had decidedly failed with WeightWatchers - the program works, but I didn't work for the program. I was visiting my brother one weekend and saw the infomercial for Jillian Michaels' new Body Revolution program. I had spent time as a paying member of JM's website in the past, but decided I couldn't justify that charge in addition to a gym membership. I have her book, Master Your Metabolism, and I had already come to the conclusion that she really knows what it takes and what really works. Due to my circumstances at the moment, I did not feel that I should just splurge and purchase this 15 DVD system because it is a hefty expense and I am at present a full-time student and technically unemployed. I also was worried that I would fall into my same patterns - I start off with gusto and teeter off, falling back into bad habits/decisions. I didn't want to end up wasting this investment of cash. The last 2 plus months, however, I've been thinking about it more and more. I discovered that the Body Revolution had a fan page on facebook and began to follow it. I had reservations also due to the idea that so many of these programs offer up meal ideas/plans consisting of a lot of food that I do not consume (I don't eat fish and a variety of vegetables that are so often included in these kinds of recipes). With all of these concerns, I recognized that I really was in a downward shame spiral. I was back to so many bad behaviors. Finally, last week I decided to go for it. It's a 90 day program. I am trying to convince myself that it's only 90 days, I can absolutely do this. Having Jillian in my living room on her DVDs, I hope will provide me with the kind of support and encouragement that I can't seem to find in every day real life. Why is it that when some of the people we love (and who love us) genuinely voice their concern, it drives us to worsen our unhealthy behavior? I don't know why I react that way, but I do. I am anticipating the receipt of my JM package this coming week. My goal is to blog my experiences, struggles, and successes with the hope that I will stick with it and finally find the success that has been eluding me for so long. Throughout, I will also continue to share background about myself, while maintaining a certain level of anonymity. I plan to share this blog with a few of those whome I love and trust with the depths of my soul - and if you stumble across this blog from some other avenue, I simply ask that you keep any judgemental or hateful comments to yourself. We all have burdens and weaknesses in this life, and I just hope that those of you who visit this blog can help me through mine. Thanks in advance for your support and encouragement... And so... it begins...