Obstacles

It usually seems that I am my biggest obstacle. I don't know if it's psychological or what. Last week, though, started off superbly, and then dwindled into bad behaviors. So I'm here to fess up and counteract the brief semi-derailment. Sometimes we take on more drastic things than we can handle. I think that that happened a bit with the kickstart week. The diet was so strict and honestly forcing myself to eat things that I don't typically enjoy - that can only last so long before a breaking point is reached. Until the weekend, I did stay within my 1200 cals a day range, though from Wednesday thru Friday I only did one workout - which means I did less cardio. The movement on the scale didn't keep up with the first couple of days I think because of that [lack of cardio]. I figured that on Wednesday, I had a different type of schedule and my eating schedule got out of whack - I ended up below even 1000 calories that day and so I justified not doing the workout because I was so much further below the needed calories. Sundays are historically difficult days. There's usually a huge gorge fest after church followed by period drama (as in Jane Austen films or the like, not menstruation drama lol) or murder mystery files on TV which typically induce the Sunday nap. So the weekend wasn't exactly a picture of health and fitness.

I am happy to say, though, that I'm sitting here now with the sweat dripping all over me beginning to evaporate, the cooling down is well begun. I didn't give up. My eating may not be a perfect jillian menu, though I wonder how many of us can stay THAT strict. The fat burning recipes are much more palatable to me, and I'm thinking if I make the strong effort to ramain within the caloric intake of 1200-1300 cals, making healthy choices that i ENJOY, I have a better chance at being successful with this.

Many people ask me if I have one day where I don't count calories and eat what I want. I know a lot of people do that. Do any of you? Do you give yourself guidelines? Or is it a freebie day 100%? I would think that perhaps it would be most effective to not count cals, but to still make healthy choices and have a freebie within reason day. And then when there are "special occasions" to make allowance for appropriate portions of "treats." What do you think? Tips, advice, etc.?

PS, thank you dear friends for your encouragement and faith in me. It really does help me. And when I fall into the shadow of weakness, your words of encouragement become a beacon of light for me to find my way back, and I thank you. I am so blessed to have some of the most amazing friends in my life. THANK YOU!!!

Starting Day 3

When I woke up this morning, I was lying there in bed and thinking, "there is NO way my body can possibly handle two of those brutal cardio workouts today." I rolled out of bed and told myself that if I REALLY need to, I can just do the one workout in the PM. I prepared my breakfast (I am typically not a fan of tomatoes so I opted out of the whole tomato with my egg scramble this morning and instead chopped a little bit of red pepper, cut up some turkey sausages and added an egg and 1/4 c egg white for a tasty little omelette which clocked in around 240 cals). Once I did that, I was starting to feel a little better - unstiffening my shocked muscles and what not. I prepared my veggie soup for lunch in the crock pot - cutting up and processing tomatoes, onions, zucchini, spinach, garlic... and there's also veggie broth. I felt even mo' betta at this point. So, here I sit, literally dripping in sweat and grateful that I was able to push through and do what needs to be done.

As Jillian says in this cardio workout - there is NO other way. There is no magic pill, there is no special diet - it's all about exercise and eating healthfully. And we all know it's true. Our society, though, has somehow become conditioned to believe that there are easy, quick fixes to all problems. Everyone wants a shortcut, nobody wants to work for anything. We all want that desired end result delivered to us on a silver platter. But the truth of the matter is that there is a lot of work that goes into preparing that platter. And it's the best gift we can give to ourselves when we are the ones that prepare that platter and then we can truly revel in the hard work, effort, discipline and determination that made us into this new, better version of ourselves. Believe me, if I can do this (and I just hope and pray that I continue on for the full time frame and make positive and permanent changes in my lifestyle), anyone can. I know we hear that a lot from people, but I am one of those out there that has tried, given up and ultimately failed many times. I have a long way to go. I could easily be one of those Biggest Loser contestants. I might not be able to do all of these moves/exercises 100%, but I'm doing the best that I can, and with every drip of sweat and every moan of torment, I am one step closer to sitting down in front of my very own silver platter.

Lunch

Just wanted to post a pic of the huge chef salad I had for lunch today. It's about 2 cups of romaine lettuce, 1/2 of a ginormous red bell pepper, one large egg (boiled), 1 c of steamed broccoli and 3 oz of canned chicken. I drizzled a tiny bit of good seasons italian dressing on it - which I made with very little oil (garlic infused canola oil from The Pampered Chef) and then the apple cider and water made up the rest of the packet. I clocked this lunch in at about 275 calories.

Day 1

Day 1 was a success. I am a little bit sore today to prove it! The only dilemma I had, really, was that I had not finished grocery shopping and I was so afraid to go off the beaten path, that by the end of the day (I had finished shopping by then), I'd only consumed 1050 calories, and I should be getting 1200. So hopefully, I will be a bit better today with that, because 1050 cals a day just simply can't last long and is less than recommended for daily needs.

The workout dvds are good. HARD work. Especially if you haven't worked out in awhile. Who says you need a gym when you've got a JM Circuit training DVD and your own free weights? I couldn't necessarily do ALL of the moves 100%, but I did it all the best I could and kept moving the entire time. And as a result, I am defintely sore today. I'm interested to see what today's circuit training will be like, as it will work a different set of muscles, thank goodness. I tell you what, though, the cardio workout is just as intense and difficult! Man alive! Again, they're cardio circuits. I won't lie, I was not able to appropriately do the suicides, but I just kept moving nevertheless. During this first week, the program has a morning workout with the circuits and an evening cardio workout. The JMBR set comes with 15 dvds - each month for the 90 days has 4 circuit workouts + one cardio workout. Each circuit (total of 3 including the cardio circuit) is done 2x a week and there is a rest day on Sunday, or whatever your 7th day is. The two circuits target different muscle areas and so you are never over working your muscles. It's onle during kickstart, however, that the workouts are twice a day. It will move on to once a day (and I can choose to add an extra workout if I want) for the remainder of the 90 days.

This first week has a relatively limited menu. There are 3 options each for breakfast, lunch, snack and dinner. However, with my food preferences (I'm moderately picky), I am pretty much sticking to one option for each one (two max). It's a huge step for me to even consider eating some of the things that are in these recipes - but fish is going too far. I just can't. I also (again) tried the whole greek yogurt thing, but yuck, yuck, yuck! I can't do yogurt. The tartness of it is just not so kinda good. One of the recipes even calls for a dash of vanilla extract, but I think I ended up with more than a dash and I just coldn't get down more than a half of a spoon full of that stuff. I *will* make the attempts to incorporate spinach (the spinach lettuce stuff) as recipes call for it - though, I'm more likely to process it up so that it's finely chopped rather than the full on leaves. There are a lot of weird psychological issues I have with foods, too. I don't know why, but there are certain things that I just can not eat.

One of the people on the JMBR facebook page made the comment to be sure to drink a lot of water. This, too, is a huge step. I looooove pop. I drink diet, but there is still controversy about which is worse - fully sugared or sugar alternative drinks. Again, I won't lie to any of you, but I've easily been regularly drinking about 2L of diet pop (pepsi max is typically my choice) a day. I think I last drank pop on Friday maybe... Yesterday I ended up drinking 3 bottles of water (the 33.9 oz bottles). With the amount that I had been sweating and with the assistance it provides in helping to control hunger, I think it went very well. I am VERY grateful that I'm not dealing with caffeine headaches or anything either. I've never really felt that I was "addicted" to caffeine - I just like the cold, crisp taste that pop has to offer (regardless of whether or not there is caffeine in it). Fortunately, though, it's been all good thus far. SO... keep thinking good thoughts for me, and I'm going to continue trying with my might! I know that it's not necessarily accurate or encouraged to weigh oneself every day, but I was happy to see that the daily fluctuation from yesterday to today was down exactly 2 lbs. If I can keep up with that, by the end of this week, I will hopefully lose the 10 lbs I was wanting to be able to lose during this kickstart week!

And so it begins...

Today is "D-day" and I am starting my JMBR! Last night I had measurements taken, which I will track weekly. I've got a list of to-dos that I am going to try to focus on this week - for those of us that may have emotional/bored eating issues, it's imperative to try to better control our environment. So that is what I am trying to do. Keeping myself occupied and productive and generally following the schedule I have created for this week should lead to a successful kickstart week.

I have had some concerns about starting this program, which I tried to research (using that term loosely) on the JMBR facebook page. I was trying to see where people were starting from - how much did they have to lose? I won't lie to you - I have 100+ lbs to lose. I've always been big (and I'm not at my biggest now). There are many insecurities which have held me back from things that I would otherwise love to do. Attempting to make this change could not be one of those casualties of fear.

One of the things we ought to consider when attempting to make lifestyle changes such as this is WHY. I need to figure out what my WHY is. There are general things of course, like being healthier, fitter and thinner. But it's the every day type stresses that may make the WHY more poignant. Such as:

*I want to be able to travel without worrying about: will the seatbelt fit? Will I be an annoyance to someone who "has to sit next to the fat girl?"

*I want to plan a day to go to an amusement park and ride all the rides (and not fear that I might not "fit" into the ride seats-it's been a close call before)

*I want to be able to wear cap sleeves without being insecure about the flab that is my upper arm

*I want to feel like I'm attractive - say goodbye to the days of "she'd be hot if she was thin"

*When I go to Paris again, I don't want to be huffing and puffing up the gazillion stairs from the train

These are those little everyday things that feed the flame of my insecurities. Maybe they are ridiculous reasons that are too concerned with what others may think, but who of us can say that we truly 100% don't care how people perceive us? There are very few that may be able to honestly answer that in the affirmative. Ultimately, I believe that one of the purposes of life is to gain control of ourselves - self-mastery. We all have addictions/weaknesses/temptations which are unique to us. As they say, this one is my Everest. I know that if I continue to remind myself that I CAN do this, I will do it.

Changing my self-talk to being positive on this matter is also imperative. As I keep saying to myself, the kickstart week is only ONE week. I can so do this. How many thousands of others have done this successfully? What makes them any better than me? I am excited to see the results at the end of this kickstart week. I will more than likely be blogging pretty regularly so that I can keep tabs on where I am emotionally each day and even if there isn't anyone reading this, I have some obscure accountability out there. I don't know if any of you have had this issue, but I've been one of those closet eaters. I hide what I've eaten when I know it isn't good for me - I even hide the trash from it so as not to draw the negative attention of what I already know is unhealthy. It's time for me to be brutally honest with myself, and this is the outlet for which I've chosen to do it.

Thanks to those of you who have already shown your support - I look forward to being able to share this journey of mine with you and am grateful in advance for the encouragement and strength that you will help me to realize.

It's heeeere!!!

I was so uber excited when this lil package arrived last week! I've been pouring over the information and making a plan for a course of action. I realize that for at least the KICKSTART week, I will need to have a very focused plan. I decided to wait until next week to kick-off my fabulous Jillian Body Revolution. Typically, I think it's ridiculous to put off starting something like this. However, due to the nature of this goal and plan, I want to have as few road blocks as possible. Fortunately, I am currently a full-time student almost at the end of finals (2 more left and a paper to boot - will be done by tomorrow) and then there is a free week between Spring and Summer sessions.

So... that is my plan. I'm trying to formulate a weekly plan for meal times, activities and exercise times with the DVDs. I know that keeping myself focused and on task, I can beat the "natural man." Cause the "natural man" is apparently not so healthy. So, i ask the maybe 2 or 3 people that may per chance be viewing this blog - what are some of the things YOU do to help you focus when endeavoring upon a new lifestyle change? *discuss*

PS - I just figured out how to create paragraphs on blogger now (it's all HTML-ish) and I feel just a little brilliant. Ha.

Dear Mr Fed Ex

So, Mr Fed Ex was scheduled to pay me a JMBR visit today, but alas. I was left in disappointment. So I guess I will give you a little more background on my situation. Granted, I don't think I've got any readers yet, but I think this is more therapeutic for me than anything. And perhaps some day in the future, I'll find a reader or two! Hopefully by then I will figure out how to have blogger post my paragraphs as I've typed them rather than my whole post being one large blob of words. *sigh* So, I will tell you that I am mid-30's in the mid-west. Close to ten years ago, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), and some of the issues I'd been facing with weight since the age of 5 all of a sudden made more sense. PCOS could have its own whole blog dedicated to talking about what it is and how it affects me (let alone how it affects every individual woman in its own way). With my diagnosis of PCOS, like most PCOSers, I was also diagnosed with insulin resistance, for which I now take metformin. It's astounding, though, how many people in the medical community don't really know much about it - I went to several doctors and self-diagnosed before I found a dr who seemed to know enough about it to give me the actual medical diagnosis and start treating me for the symptoms present in my personal cocktail of PCOS symptoms. So here I am, out of control once again. I was just recently able to get a renewal RX for metformin so I can try to at least get the hormonal part of my issues better on track. The thing I love about JM is that she seems to truly be educated in endocrine and metabolic issues - she *is* the one who has coined the term metabolic training in her workout regime(s). I think that WW may not have worked so well for ME because I also need a regimen of exercise. This is why I've chosen JM's Body Revolution. So... this is the blog. I will shortly be on my journey (c'mon Mr FedEx!!!), and I am planning to log my successes and struggles here. Regardless of whether or not anyone ever reads this blog, I feel that it will help me - it will give me ownership over my efforts and goals and hopefully provide some therapeutic relief. And maybe someday I will be an inspiration to someone else out there...